


graduated

by longituddeonda



Series: universal constant universe [6]
Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Missed Connections, More angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longituddeonda/pseuds/longituddeonda
Summary: part of a collection of drabbles and ficlets in the universe of 'on a universal constant, falling off the bottom of the earth'in which javier attempts to find reader in the weeks after they gradaute
Relationships: Javier Peña & Reader, javier peña/lorraine
Series: universal constant universe [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691518
Kudos: 10





	graduated

**Author's Note:**

> june 1970

The first weeks back in Laredo after graduating, finishing up an internship, and packing up his apartment in Kingsville are surreal. Javier’s father let him stay at the ranch while he looked for jobs; the past days have been filled with extended family dinners, long days of farmwork, and a lot of room for thinking.

The town is the same one he’s come back to every summer, but now, without another impending year of education, it’s like nothing is holding him there, no reason for his feet to be walking across the same soil for the past twenty-two years. 

Except for Chucho. 

And maybe Lorraine. But she already picked up a job and Javier is pretty sure she would be able to find something just about anywhere else. Not that he’d ask her to move. It would be too selfish. 

He knows he should be spending his time job-searching, but part of him wants just a couple weeks to exist. He’s being helpful on the ranch. That’s a good enough excuse to lie low for a while.

What Javier doesn’t want to admit to anyone is that he’s working up the guts to do something he’s dreamed of doing for years. Reunite with _her_. 

A week ago the woman who works at his favorite—their favorite—restaurant was talking about all sorts of town news while Javier was eating lunch. She told him Vassar’s graduation was the week before, so she should be back in Laredo by now. That is, if she’s even coming back. 

The first year of college was torture, all of his struggles in school only amplified by her absence. And she didn’t ever send a letter or call. For a while, he thought about sending one. But then the fear of rejection set in again. If they were so close for years but then three months (and then five and then seven) could go by without a word, did she really even care anymore?

He thought things might resolve the following summer, but then he showed up on her doorstep and was told she wasn’t going to be in town that year. At all. He called the number her parents gave him. There was no answer.

The second year was worse if that was possible. He had declared a major in sociology and psychology. Schoolwork was hard, his social life even harder. It’s not like he had ever had to make an effort to find a group of friends before. He always had her. And on top of it, no matter how much he studied how people work, he couldn’t ever seem to decipher why she had seemingly dropped out of his life. 

He called the Vassar dorms in late April. Someone said she wasn’t in the building at the moment but he could leave a message. He hung up. He called again the next day, but before anyone could pick up, he hung up again. What could he even say to her? What was there to say?

The second summer she still was gone and that was when Javier decided it was time to give up. It wasn’t worth the effort, he reasoned. But somewhere in the back of his mind, there was always the thought of her. The girl he loved more than anyone else. Even then, when he was angry at her for disappearing, if she had shown up at his doorstep, nothing else would have mattered. All would have been forgiven. Just to see her again. 

Still, another year came and went. 

He reunited with Lorraine, an old friend. She was pretty and kind, and most importantly, she was there. Almost every day during those first months. She was in college in San Antonio. Smart as hell. And every other weekend she would drive to Kingsville to visit. The other weekends he would drive up to San Antonio. It was nice. 

He likes Lorraine, a lot. Sometimes enough that he can forget everything else. Sometimes enough that he wonders if it’s love. Maybe what he had with _her_ was something entirely different. Maybe he and Lorraine are what it was supposed to be. 

If it is, there’s nothing to complain about. It’s good. Great, even. 

Lorraine’s busy with work, so Javier’s left to his own brain a lot now. He’s gone over to her apartment a couple evenings already, but ever since the lady at the diner said the words Vassar and that name in the same sentence, it’s all Javier can think about. 

He sits in his truck in his own driveway for at least half-hour before Chucho comes out asking what the hell he’s doing, sitting in the car when there’s perfectly good chairs inside. Javier tells him he’s thinking about going to see her. All his father can do is nod, put a hand on his forearm, and say good luck. 

The drive to her family’s house is short. They used to walk to each others all the time. 

Javier pulls up along the curbside, a block away from her house. There’s a sinking feeling in his chest. He’s not sure what to say, and sure, doing it in person seems more appropriate than over the phone, but it’s still so uncertain. He wouldn’t put it beyond her to tell him to fuck off. It’s not a pleasant thought; that side of her usually was exposed to everyone except Javier, but he’s not part of that inner circle of her life anymore. And he’s not sure why.

Every time he’s rehearsed what he would say (and he has rehearsed this, many times) it never feels just right and it becomes more and more difficult to predict how she may react. Still, he unbuckles his seatbelt and slips out of the car. 

All he has to do is walk along two sides of a block, cross the street, and then he’ll be standing in front of the home that used to be an extension of his own. 

It’s nearly impossible with his heart beating like it is, the fear and the loss and the anger he thought he shoved away bubbling back up in his mind. And no matter how much he knows he wants this, it feels a monumental task. Yet Javier manages to put one foot in front of the other, and step by step he turns the corner and can see the faded grass of her front lawn at the end of the block. 

Javier gets closer and more of the building is revealed. He can make out a sign hanging on a white post, about his own height on the far end of the property. He starts jogging, hoping it isn’t what he fears. But once he’s within reading distance, it’s confirmed with the thick, white letters: For Sale. 

Javier stops in front of the house. There’s no sign of life inside. No cars in the driveway. Not even curtains inside the windows. Just a shell of a home.

Maybe Vassar graduated, but she sure as hell isn’t here. And nor are the only people who might be able to tell him where she went.


End file.
